Wow, I am a little chuffed with myself for attempting to write this blog. This is the first of many! I hope that it isn’t filled with too many spelling or grammatical errors or it doesn’t put you to sleep!
So why has it taken me so long to do this? Well, to be honest I have kind of been half in this game for a while, sure I am still doing ok, but all the cylinders have not been firing!
For many years I was holding back from “going all in” on this mission to liberate as many beings as possible from suffering for many reasons and stories. Today I want to share one of those BS narratives with you!
I was connected to the truth from a young age through my beautiful Uncle Harisharan (his Sanyasi name). As many of you know from me sharing before he was a dedicated disciple of OSHO’s and shared the wisdom of oneness, freedom and living a life without suffering with me though his many letters he sent from when I was 6 years old. Sadly when I was in my teens he passed away from AIDS as many of OSHO’s followers did at the time. I still have his letters to this day.
These seeds of freedom were planted early and that still didn’t stop me from following totally debaucherous path from 16-22 years old. Like ‘train spotting to van wilder’ to ‘girl interrupted’ style of a life.
Within those colourful years there was a 3 year marriage within a cult, a addiction to meth, homelessness, drug induced psychosis, a stint working reception at a brothel, stealing, lying, cheating and pretty much anything dark you can think of.
My past kept me hiding for a long time, the calling to be of service to liberate others that was planted in my heart at such a young age was strong for a long time after I finally cleaned myself up. I would follow th call some times and step into the role briefly and then run away.
It was the voice of shame and guilt of my past that stopped me, it would tap me on the shoulder and say “hey, i don’t care how many hours of meditation you have done, or how healed you are, or how much wisdom you hold, if people knew about your past they would shun you.”
So, I would run away back to the shadows until another situation would unfold and I would find myself back into the being of service role and this cycle repeated for many years.
A few years ago now I decided to own my past, own all of the bad things I did. I even reached out to some people I had hurt and apologised for any suffering I caused them. The truth is we can do nothing about our past, if people choose to judge us by it in this present moment it says more about them then us.
The only thing we can do anything about is the here and now. We can choose regardless of our past to be as present as possible, as kind as possible and as loving as possible. How we choose to be in this moment can heal years of suffering we have caused ourselves and others as everything is connected.
And even though I owned it all a few years ago, I am only just starting this blog – do not be like me! Step out now and follow the calling for you whatever it is!
Choose now, be here and do what you can with all we have, this ONE BREATH.
Big Love to you brothers and sisters XoXo